Cut to the chase: every thought on my vasectomy

Oh, hi, I like trying to remove taboos around things I don't think should be taboo to discuss.

Welcome to my vasectomy chat. In a relationship with a man and a woman, birth control and family planning are not the sole responsibility of the woman.

I have had a vasectomy because for us, that was a very useful family planning option. I am happy to talk about it so if you have someone in your life nervous to take it on or to even talk to a family physician about it, here's a point-by-point breakdown of what a vasectomy meant to our family:

  1. Birth control is not a woman’s responsibility.
  2. This was an incredibly non-invasive way for me to play a very important factor in our family planning.
  3. Penis, scrotum sperm, pubic hair, testicles. All words I’m cool with saying.
  4. At first I was nervous about the physical pain of the procedure because I know how much it hurts to get kicked in the testicles. That was all I could think of.
  5. My vasectomy went precisely according to plan. The plan, that is, that is set out by the doctor as best-case.
  6. Not everyone’s does.
  7. As things got near, I had more emotional concerns than physical ones.
  8. I wondered if it would be difficult to move on to a no-more children stage of my life.
  9. You are allowed to cry about moving from one stage of your life to the next.
  10. I cried thinking about the first time I held both of my daughters.
  11. I acknowledge that I won’t hold my newborn daughter for the first time ever again.
  12. I am happy about having had the chance to do so and happy to not do so again.
  13. Yes, I wondered if producing sperm during intercourse was an important facet of masculinity.
  14. No, I don’t feel silly for having held that internal discussion.
  15. No, I determined, that wasn’t an important part of masculinity.
  16. It was hilarious to listen to the men in the waiting room talk about their vasectomies while experiencing the thrills of Valium.
  17. It was equally entertaining to watch them interact with the non-medicated person who came to pick them up.
  18. At one point we had a family friend lined up as my transportation to and from my appointment. A vasectomy day on the town.
  19. We ended up taking taxis back and forth. We didn’t talk to them much.
  20. My partner stayed with me during my procedure and I explicitly told her to kick me if I talked like the people in the room with me.
  21. In terms of pain experienced during the procedure, I’d say this was at worst a top 50 moment but not inside the top 50.
  22. I didn’t watch because I was afraid if I flinched my penis would get cut off.
  23. That’s just silly. There was no knife used.
  24. Somehow, every vasectomy doctor has a last name you’ll find ironic.
  25. There is much masturbation involved in vasectomy recovery.
  26. The final bit of masturbation—where I produced a test sample, was the least romantic orgasm I have ever had.
  27. I checked for my final lab results more frequently than I checked for my grades in university.
  28. I didn’t know what the words no motile sperm meant.
  29. I did know what no contraception required meant.
  30. I wore an athletic support thing over my underwear for three days following the procedure. It was as close as I’ve ever felt to being a professional athlete.
  31. A vasectomy is less invasive than tubal ligation.
  32. My partner bought me breakfast, lunch and dinner the day of my vasectomy.
  33. There were instructions for shaving your pubic region in the lunch bag I was given with all my “What you need to do” documents.
  34. Dry shave razors are magical. Honestly. I was so scared I was going to severely injure myself before this procedure and now I want to buy all the dry shave razors I can find.
  35. A year and a bit later, I’m even happier with my choice than I was when I made it. Which saying a lot.
  36. My partner is too.